Horse Collectingby Lauren Davis Baker Across disciplines and breed preferences, horse people find it hard to agree on strategies for their feed programs, tack, training, and shoeing. However, most will agree with one essential truth of horsemanship: 'tis easier to buy a horse than to sell one. Proof of this statement stands in many a pasture, in the form of the horse collection. If you own more equines than you really need, you may be a closet horse collector yourself. Take the following test to determine if you've unwittingly changed from Horse Owner to Horse Collector. Answer truthfully! Do you own one horse for dressage, another for jumping, and a third in training with "real potential?" YES ___ NO____ Have you kept your retired mount as a trail horse for your spouse or a friend, who rides twice a year or less? YES ___ NO____ Has your son/daughter outgrown his/her first pony, which you simply can't part with? (Perhaps you call him a 'companion animal,' as if your horses need the company.) YES ___ NO____ Do you own a "spare" horse or pony which you profess is for "resale?" YES ___ NO____ Have you "leased" out horses you couldn't bear to sell? YES ___ NO____ Did you tell your spouse you could make money by breeding horsesonly to never get around to selling the babies? YES ___ NO____ Do you have horses whose names you don't remember any more? YES ___ NO____ Do you sometimes look out in the pasture and see horses you don't recognize? YES ___ NO____ If you answered "Yes" to two or more of the questions, you're at risk of becoming a Horse Collector. If you answered "Yes" to four or more, its already too late. By now, your spouse is probably confused, angered, or outraged by your behavioranother reliable indicator of a Horse Collector in the family. Speaking of spouses, there is also a little-known series of questions you can ask your spouse (or significant other) to help determine whether or not you are a Horse Collector. At one time it was thought that this method was a good way to get objective, unbiased results. However, research has shown that the Non Horse Person's (NHP) definition of "too many horses" is usually one. As a result, surveying these individuals is an exercise in futility. Furthermore, few NHP's can discuss horse ownership without nasty and incriminating references to finances. The savvy Horse Collector is aware of this dangerous tendency and instinctively knows not to "go there." (Reader tip: never use a category for "equine expenses" when keeping track of home finances on paper or in Quicken software. Instead, bury these expenses under "mortgage," "groceries," or "entertainment.") One friend of mine cleverly avoided spousal arguments by limiting her horse purchases primarily to small, grey equines, which she rotated between her own pasture and those of her friends. She also gave her horses unpronounceable names, further confusing her spouse. Over the years, the husband never saw more than two horses at a time and never directly asked her, "How many horses do you own, anyway?" In this manner, my friend maintained four horses for many years while avoiding no-win discussions such as, "Why does one person need four horses?" Most horse collections start small and develop into full herds quite by accident. Horse Collectors are not devious individuals, but gentle souls who develop a pattern of buying without selling. Horse Collectors value their horses as companion animals and see no point in diminishing the richness of their emotional lives by putting horses up for sale. When confronted by the NHP who asks, "When are you going to sell some of those horses, anyway?" The Horse Collector is likely to reply with a heartfelt, "I don't ask you to sell your dog, do I?" Experienced Horse Collectors have a tried and true repertoire of sales evasion tactics which novice collectors may want to adopt. "This filly is much too nice to sell," has an upbeat ring to itand will be met with approval by other Horse Collectors. "We'll get more for this gelding after he's been under saddle a few months," has convinced many a spouse that the Horse Collector truly intends to sell, perhaps at a handsome profit. Regular assurances that the horse is doing 'really well' will minimize nagging through the training period, which (with any luck) can go on for years. "I was going to sell her," is a great tactic to take with the mare that's been bucking you off for the last three months, "but I think she'd make a great broodmare. And, a foal should settle her down a little." The foal will, of course, be "too nice to sell" and you really should breed the mare back to the same stallion to produce another little money-maker. The experienced Horse Collector may, indeed, have made a good faith attempt to have sold a horse at one time and been traumatized by the process. My own attempt to sell a white horse in midwinter left me with a serious case of dishpan hands. My advice to horse collectors: only attempt to sell a white horse in the summer, when he's easier to keep clean. Better yet, keep and admire him. While horse collecting is sometimes predicated by childhood bedrooms full of Breyer horses, the transitition to becoming a Horse Collector is often the result of psychological trauma. Many a Horse Collector is in extensive therapy following contact with the Potential Buyer. The Potential Buyer is a well meaning individual seeking a flawless horse that will go beautifully for him/her, regardless of his/her riding ability, at below market value. While few Potential Buyers are dangerous, many are delusional. Their delusions can, over time, have detrimental effects on the innocent seller. The following examples are based on real-life experiences. Potential Seller shows tendencies towards becoming a Horse Collector, but can't technically be classified as one because she has just placed a "For Sale" ad for one of her horses. She demonstrates a healthy awareness that she has too many horses. Potential Buyer #1's trainer sees the ad, and suggests she follow up on it. The ad reads "Horse Safe for Beginning Rider, competing First Level, Training Second." The 15-year-old horse is offered at less than $5,000. Potential Buyer calls, saying she's looking for a Fourth Level dressage horse. Potential Seller chokes on her capuccino: Why is trainer having Potential Buyer look at beginner horses if she's a Fourth Level rider? And, since when do Fourth Level horses sell for under $10,000? Several hours later, the phone rings in the middle of dinner. Potential Buyer #2 is calling about the horse, looking for a 'confidence builder' for her young daughter, who will also take her 'through the levels.' Potential Seller breaks out in hives: How many years should the confidence-building older horse be expected to live or stay sound, in order to take this young child through the levels? At this point, our subject is in serious danger of turning into a Horse Collector, but she is strong and does not unplug the phone. Potential Buyer #3 calls at 6 o'clock in the morning, asserting that her vet will not let her buy a horse with anything wrong with it. She has already vetted ten horses. Potential Seller develops a nervous twitch: How many 15 year old horses don't come with some maintenance issues? She refrains from asking why Potential Buyer doesn't look at two-year-olds, instead. Potential Buyer #4 actually comes to look at the beginner horse. Potential Buyer admits she's a little out of shape (this is obvious) and hasn't ridden much over the years, but she wants to do dressagethe sooner the better. Potential Buyer takes the horse for a test drive and exhibits the skills of a first-time rider. Shortly thereafter, she departs, frustrated that she couldn't get the horse on the bit. Potential Seller is losing her grip: If the horse has the proven ability to do the job and the temperament to put up with Potential Buyer while she learns to ride, isn't he a wonderful horse? Potential Seller is in need of therapy. She heads for the barn and irritably mucks out a few stalls, searching for inner peace. The sweet smell of horse and hay work their spell. She pats a welcoming nose or two and admires her horses grazing in the pasture. She begins to relax. The transformation is complete. With a submissive sigh, Horse Collector browses through her favorite tack catalogues. With so many horses, tack collecting is the logical next step. |
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