Easy Targets

Being part of a barn can be an extremely important part of the social life of horse-oriented kids, teens, and young adults. They may feel they need to “cope” with inappropriate advances, rather than risking losing their friends, the sport they love, and possible career goals. A predator can use that knowledge to his or her advantage.

Sexual predators tend to target young people with vulnerabilities, such as a child who feels unloved or unpopular, spends a lot of time alone and unsupervised, or lacks confidence and self-esteem. Divorce, separation, and family conflicts can make young people feel isolated, in addition to making families less vigilant. Children with gender issues can also be more vulnerable—often feeling misunderstood and isolated.

Once a young person has been targeted, the predator makes them feel they are part of the same “team.” They may charm them with special attention, treats, favors, or tokens of friendship. They often offer a sympathetic, understanding ear. For a child or teenager who feels misunderstood by parents or friends, having the attention of a trusted adult can fill a void in their life.

During grooming, the predator will introduce secrecy to determine whether or not the victim can be trusted not to “tell.” Secrecy may begin with something small—such as an extra few minutes of lessons—and a caution such as “Don’t tell your friends, they’ll be jealous.” If the young person keeps that secret, the pattern will repeat—building a “bond” of secrets and favors between victim and predator.

Once an emotional bond has been established, the predator will increase the victim’s acceptance of touch, to identify and expand the child’s limits. ‘Accidental’ touches, such as a brush of the hair or an arm around the shoulder may desensitize the child, breaking down inhibitions, with the goal of moving to more overt touching.

Younger children lack a fully developed fear of people and the experience/intuition to keep them from harm. While they may have been warned about strangers, they are confused when someone they trust makes them uncomfortable.

Teenagers make excellent targets, as their ideas of what defines “romance” can be vague and unrealistic. Teenage angst and ordinary conflict with parents can set them up to feel misunderstood and unloved—making it relatively easy for a predator to set up an “us against them” mentality.

Teenage girls are especially vulnerable to ‘Romeo and Juliet’ syndrome: the idea of a forbidden romance that other people just wouldn’t understand—they also love romance with a hint of danger (hence the popularity of the ‘Twilight’ series.) Teens and young adults need to know that if a relationship with a trainer feels exciting or romantic, something is wrong. A crush is normal. A two-way crush is not.

Young adults can feel caught in a ‘no man’s land’—no longer children and wanting to be independent, they may feel the need to handle things on their own, without understanding that they are being manipulated by an adult with an agenda. A master manipulator will make them doubt themselves and their right to object to inappropriate behavior. They may feel the relationship is their fault and hesitate to confide in someone who can help.

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